Our driver Joseph, who is from Sri Lanka, proudly told us that his 2nd daughter is getting married. After the congratulations we began asking him questions. Here is what we learned: This is indeed an arranged marriage. A man has asked for her. Joseph said that he is a good man, a hard-working carpenter currently living in Malaysia. He and his family were "checking me out," Joseph said. If they like me and approve, things will move forward. Joseph has to pay for the wedding and give a dowry. We asked, “If it was not too personal, what do you give?” He quickly replied, “Gold!” He told us even the amount of grams he would need. Bob and I did the math and that is $2500-3000 USD depending on the gold prices when he buys it. Now keep in mind that his base salary is around 400 USD per month. In addition he has to pay for his airline ticket home and miss one month of work. Since he doesn't have any brothers or sisters he has to go a week or two before the wedding to get everything ready. Most families could even help with the dowry, but he is on his own. We asked how he would manage (he is the father of three daughters)? With a huge smile on his face, he answered, "I will manage. What to do?" We learned a few days later that he "checked out" and the wedding is set for mid-July.
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| JOSEPH |
Another young woman I know confided in me a few months ago that she was hoping to get married soon. She quickly told me it was for love. They had a huge obstacle to overcome. She was Pakistani and he was Indian. Those two nationalities, although neighbors on a map, hardly every marry each other. Would their parents and families approve? Would the families be able to get visas to come to the wedding in Qatar? Would they be granted the legal documents here to get married? So many questions and issues were beyond their control. But they hoped and prayed that God would allow all of these things and more to work out and one day, Insha’Allah, it would work. (Insha’Allah means “If God wills.” It is a common, but serious phrase, similar to when Bob says, “Lord willing!”) Without their families’ blessings, it would never happen. She would never disobey her parents and I'm guessing neither would he. Privately, I would ask her how things were progressing and she would tell me, with hope in her eyes, it's moving along. One morning before most people arrived at work, she came to my desk. I knew immediately! She had just gotten the news that she and her "best friend," the man she loved, could get married! The date was chosen already (just in case!) and now she could continue with the plans for her special day. I've never seen a happier face. She talked a mile a minute about everything from dresses, to henna, to the legal and religious parts, to the party. And quickly she added, "Of course, you and Bob will be invited." I felt tears well up in my eyes. Tears not only for her act of kindness in inviting us, but for the joy she had. All her dreams were coming true in that moment.
I've since reflected a lot about these two new brides and compared it to our way of life in America. I'm eager to hear your thoughts. Would we, as head strong young women, submit to our parents? As parents, would we be willing to start our children off with the type of sacrifice Joseph is making? Have we ever considered the different types of "mixed marriages," whether they were nationality, religious, political or other differences? Would you want the festivities to last three days?
I'm hopeful to post some pictures after the wedding here in Qatar. Joseph has promised pictures from his daughter's wedding in July. Keep both of these special families in your thoughts and prayers. These are exciting and hopeful times for all of them.
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